In the Glimmer
July 12, 2023 at 03:40AMRachel Yoder returns to the land of her family’s Amish roots, seeking folk medicine and answers. She finds them, in a way—but she also finds a different sort of homecoming, one that manages to be both uncomfortable and absolutely necessary. A lovely meshing of reporting and prose.
We talked about God because we did not want to talk about how I no longer go to church, how ten years ago I told him I didn’t believe in God, how twenty years ago I left home in love and on fire, causing extraordinary tumult, checked myself into a rehabilitation facility because I didn’t want to be alive and couldn’t articulate why, blamed my father for being too controlling and didn’t speak to him for months. We do not talk about how I have forsworn the Mennonites for decades.
It’s comforting to imagine that things go away if you leave them alone long enough. These are the questions I don’t ask my father: How did I hurt you? Are you still hurt? When you think of me, do you feel sad? Am I a failure? Can you forgive me? Can we be happy?
from Longreads https://longreads.com/2023/07/11/in-the-glimmer/
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