I Am the “Other” in “Mother”
January 07, 2025 at 11:45PMIn this deeply thoughtful essay, Kristina Kasparian explores the complicated emotional landscape she’s navigated in choosing to have a child by surrogate pregnancy. With an egg donated by a third party and carried by a surrogate, Kasparian considers how it feels and what it means to be the “other” in mother while the pregnancy is underway and after things go desperately wrong.
“Baby’s facing you now,” Wanda says to all of us as she presses and probes.
We all lean a little closer to the screen. The three of us are in this being’s gravitational pull—already, forever.
“Oh, hiiii!” Ethan exclaims, making Margot and me giggle.
Am I a fraud for being happy right now, when I’ve never craved kids in my kitchen? What kind of selfless mom will I be, if I’ve already put myself first? I’m sure I won’t be a natural at parenting like Ethan, but I’m curious about finding my own flow. Margot told me last month that I don’t have the faintest clue of the life that awaits me. On her bad days, she mocks my work and my slow mornings, tells me I’m in for a major reality check. I remind her—and myself—that living with a disabling illness has made me creative with my time and energy. I try not to let her rattle my faith in my adaptability, but she does. When I read her messages, I feel seasickness swell behind my sternum, yet it’s not from an embryo growing inside me.
from Longreads https://longreads.com/2025/01/07/i-am-the-other-in-mother/
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