I Can Never Own My Perfect Home
May 15, 2025 at 11:05PMLydia C. Buchanan dreams of owning her own home. But, as a struggling writer, it may be out of her reach forever. Buchanan reflects on how this desire crept up and consumed her, the opposite of the freedom she desired when she was younger. She also gives us some exquisite descriptions of the sort of house she wishes she could own, and wonderful disparagements of those she does not: “I hate new houses. I shrivel inside of them. The floors are too quiet, the walls too flat. The vacuum can fit in every corner. I can’t breathe. They’re not dead; they were never alive.” A powerful take on what it means to not ever be able to call a place your own.
Last summer, when I looked up from the rolling sidewalk babies, saw the mirage, and realized I wanted it, I was appalled. Here was something else I wanted and would never have. I would have to live with more longing, specific longing. I’ll never own that house, maybe a house at all.
If I can critique my desires, see all the flaws and pitfalls and cultural mirages they are built upon, can I release myself from them?
If I can admit my dreams are unoriginal—an old house, a plot of land with my name and clothesline on it, neighbors I can wave to—can I absolve myself from the shame of conventionality?
from Longreads https://longreads.com/2025/05/15/i-can-never-own-my-perfect-home/
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