What Brain Surgery Taught Me About the Fragile Gift of Consciousness
August 25, 2025 at 11:37PMOn the eve of brain surgery and facing an uncertain future, Eric Markowitz experiences being fully conscious for the first time in his life. He felt a shift in his existence toward full clarity, “. . .the raw, elemental sense of being awake to the miracle and the absurdity of existence. Alive to the texture of being. Aware of the great impossibility of life and my small, flickering role within it.”
The world had never looked so alive. Every detail sharpened, sacred. Time no longer moved. It hovered. Held. The future dissolved. The past let go. All that remained was one long, luminous moment. And in that moment, I was tethered — to her hand, to the stars, to everything. I was, finally, conscious.
Upstairs, in a crib painted white, our 18-month-old daughter lay sleeping. Her body rose and fell beneath a cotton sleep sack, rhythmically, gently — life announcing itself in the smallest of gestures. I thought about her growing up without me.
Not in a morbid way but in the way you might watch a boat disappear at sea: helplessly, lovingly, full of prayers you’re not sure where to send. I wept quietly and without shame. I imagined her face at 5, at 15, at 40 — her smile not knowing its origin, her kindness not realizing its inheritance.
from Longreads https://longreads.com/2025/08/25/what-brain-surgery-taught-me-about-the-fragile-gift-of-consciousness/
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