I Tried to Be the Government It Did Not Go Well.

I Tried to Be the Government It Did Not Go Well.

January 12, 2026 at 04:30PM

In her time as the youngest-ever columnist at The Washington Post, Alexandra Petri honed the humor writing that has since won her a Thurber Prize. Now, at The Atlantic, she applies her formidable gifts to a stunt—taking on the duties of all the federal workers whose departments have been gutted by the Trump Administration—that will absolutely be remembered as one of the best participatory features of 2026.

And the potential duties kept piling up as I learned about each round of cuts. Since I started typing this paragraph, Donald Trump has fired many of the people who surveil infectious diseases; before I finish typing this paragraph, he may have hired them back. I hope so! I would do almost anything for a good story, but perhaps I should draw the line at “monitor Ebola.”

John F. Kennedy famously implored us: “Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.” Well, I asked! And the answer is: lots of things. If you don’t mind doing them wrong.

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